Crazy Time
I, and most of the divorced people I know, have experienced a "crazy time" following divorce.
This is a period of transitioning out of a long-term, usually unsatisfying relationship, through the trauma of divorce, to a rediscovering of the self.
I first discovered the concept of “Crazy Time” when a seasoned divorcee gave me book with that title right before my separation. This book was enormously helpful to me as it validated a lot of what I was going through.
The author of the book, Abigail Trafford, calls “crazy time” a “critical stage in the emotional divorce process” and she reassures readers that the confusion and emotional turmoil they are going through during the divorce process is completely normal.
During this time, emotions tend to run from relief/disbelief (depending on who initiated it) to shock to anger to ambivalence to depression.
For me, and for many divorced people I know, the emotional upheaval is also accompanied by a lot of going out and generally acting something like college students again.
This time can be a lot of fun on the one hand. It can also be very unsettling on the other.
On the one hand, there is freedom that you maybe haven’t experienced in years. On the other hand, your whole life is changing dramatically. And that can feel really chaotic.
It’s also a time when others may inflict judgment on us. And even worse, we inflict it on ourselves.
It's as though everyone around us is rolling their eyes, waiting until the time when we start "acting our age" again.
Please, be compassionate towards yourself during all of this. Go to therapy or hire a great coach to help you through it. Get exercise, sunlight, and plenty of sleep.
And yes, have fun too! Go out. Go meet new people. Go on dates “just for fun”. Try out clothing the old you never would have worn! And… do your best to not overdo it, because then you’ll feel SO much worse the next day. Depression gets so much worse with a hangover!
The way I look at it, not only is “crazy time” not “crazy”; it is a necessary part of our healing and growth, and it is to be celebrated,
We are grieving the past and growing into our future selves. We are becoming ourselves FOR ourselves, for a change.
This phase is IMPORTANT. So don't rush it. Don't apologize for it. And if anyone else criticizes you for it, remember that they probably secretly wish they could be exactly where you are. Just smile, and keep being “crazy”.
